


A Dish Best Served Not at All

by ThreeHats



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 15:38:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6334660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeHats/pseuds/ThreeHats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey and Tea seem like the best of friends, but just like one grain of rice can tip the scale, a single dish could change everything.  All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Dish Best Served Not at All

All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.

 **Characters:** Tea Gardner, Mickey Mouse  
 **Location:** a golf course  
 **Scenario:** Arguing over the dishes

 

"Fore!"

Mickey struck the golf ball with a flourish, his animated body shifting impossibly in place as he whirled his arms in kinetic fashion. His typically bulging mouse eyes peered beneath his gloved hand as he attempted to ascertain the distance of his shot. He let out a triumphant "Oh boy!" and set off in the direction of the 18th hole of the Toon Town golf course, built around a dilapidated ACME factory that once produced anti-road runner weaponry.

"Nice shot, Mickey!" his opponent, asian high school student Tea Gardener called out brightly from the green ahead. She had managed to land her shot almost perfectly, mere inches from the target hole. This last shot was going to seal the deal and name the winner of the friendly game they had both set before one another.

Mickey chirped happily as he wandered over to here, noticing subconsciously that their balls were practically equidistant to the last stop on their golf themed journey of friendship and unity.

"Looks like we're both gonna draw!" Mickey announced, checking their score on his handy notepad given to him by Minnie as a birthday present. It wasn't the most elaborate of boons, but it was after all, in any case, the thought that counted. "The best possible result two friends could have in a sports game!"

"Yeah!" Tea hollered, her slender hand pumping the air in a triumphant fist. "Complete and total equality is way better than being superior than someone else! That's what friendship is all about! Being the exact same as each other and not having any differences!"

"You got that right!" Mickey agreed, narrowing his eyes at his old pals Goofy and Donald who were watching from the sidelines. Also amongst them was a strange fuzzy haired teenage boy with an unnecessarily large grin on his face. Donald and Goofy had been hanging out with him a lot lately, and Mickey was worried he was a bad influence. However, Mickey couldn't complain - after all, that Sora kid had loaned him this bomb ass keyblade which made for a perfect golf club in lieu of the boring, traditional version. "Tea, I'm so glad I got a room-mate like you. Ever since that Oswald guy had to move out and go find a home someplace else, it's been real lonely."

"You bet," Tea beamed, bending forward to position herself to putt the ball square into the hole. It was an easy shot - no skill required. Mickey enjoyed the simplicity of it, appreciated the lack of any real stakes or danger. It all seemed so wholesome. "When I saw your ad I just had to move in with you. I mean, all it said was 'ROOM MATE WANTED, MUST BE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.' Who on earth could pass that up?"

"Only a jerk like Pete I bet!" Mickey referred to his on-again off-again nemesis, who was an enormous dog creature of some fashion. Mickey leaned on the keyblade and reflected on their last meeting, which involving whacking Pete over the head with a baseball bat and then skewering him with a garden rake. Such wonderful adventures. Mickey nodded at Tea and awaited her inevitable sinking of the golf ball, admiring his enormous shoes as he commented passively. "But hey, at least Pete would probably do the dishes once in a while."

Tea paused in mid-putt, her golf club hovering just above the ground as he round face twitched with irritation. "What was that?"

"Oh, you know," Mickey continued, his voice as jovial as ever. "I mean Pete's a grouch sure, but at least he probably does the chores once in a while. Remember how last time we had guests over you just left all the dishes in the sink? What a disaster! Huh-huh!"

Tea's face became bereft of emotion, and she turned to look askance at Mickey, her eyes losing their usual girlish lustre and instead displaying an intense bitterness that caused Mickey's nose to flinch with a zany spring sound effect. "It was your turn to do the dishes, Mickey. We went over this. Dozens of times. I can't believe you're still bringing this up."

"Oh yeah, it's just, you know," Mickey continued, wringing his white gloved hands together as though he were surveying a chess board and trying to decide which pieces should go where. "You were bein' kind of a bitch talkin' back to me, and well, that's not really what a best friend would do. Especially to a king."

"You're not a king," Tea growled, completely ignoring their game at this point. She kept the putter clutched in her hands, her grip on it tightening to match her clenched jaw. "We live in a two-bed apartment. There's a cartoon ox who hangs out outside selling weed. Isn't a king supposed to live in a palace?"

"I'm the rightful heir to Disneyland," Mickey shot back, waving his hands dismissively and then commenting on her poise. "You're not gonna land that shot if you hold it like that."

"I'm gonna land something," Tea snapped back, the club swinging up as she raised her arms, her short skirt blowing in the afternoon breeze.

"Not any dancing gigs," Mickey scoffed at Tea's chosen profession, his voice constantly merry despite his aggressive jibes. "Not at your current weight anyway. Have you checked out the competition lately? Most dancers in Toon Town can move faster than five frames per second, and given that you're animated in Japan, that rules you out. Also, most dancers know when to do the FUCKING DISHES."

Mickey's voice reached a shrill fever pitch, and there was an audible 'gawrsh' from where his friends watched from the sidelines. His keyblade raised to match her golf club, the two roomies glared across the green at one another. Behind them, their acting caddie Horace Horsecollar remained silent, not wanting to anger his lord and master, or the young high schooler.

"You wanna talk about doing the dishes?" Tea laughed his commentary off, shaking her head in disbelief. "How about the fact that you've been with your current girlfriend for several decades but you still haven't married her?"

"WE HAVE A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP!" Mickey screamed defensively. "Besides, what about that Yugi guy you're always instant messaging? You act like you want his dick, but really you just want that ancient spirit living inside his necklace!"

"I like them both, it's confusing!" Tea raged.

"Well maybe I like not being tied to one woman!" Mickey screamed back at her.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIND A NEW BEST FRIEND!" Tea decreed, throwing her golf club in his direction. "BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, I THINK FRIENDSHIP MIGHT NOT BE AS GREAT AS I FIRST THEORIZED!"

"Maybe I will!" replied Mickey. "One who actually thinks to do the dishes once in a blue moon!"

Just as she had done, Mickey lobbed his golf club at her, completely forgetting he had been using a keyblade this whole time. It struck her across the jaw, creating a loud snapping sound as her neck whipped back. The centrifugal force would have been harmless to a family friendly cartoon of Mickey's ilk, but to a Japanese anime character it was fatal. Mickey watched as the delicate frame of the schoolgirl collapsed beside the 18th hole of the ACME golf course, and he didn't say anything for a good minute.

"Gawrsh, Mickey," Goofy sauntered over, nonplussed by the situation. Next to him, Donald's feathers were rustled in frustration. "Do we gotta bury another girl for ya?"

"Don't worry guys!" Donald and Goofy's young friend Sora declared. "Donald can heal her up good as new! DONALD!"

The group of five characters concurrently owned by either Disney or Square Enix stared at Donald, and waited for him to do something.

"I can't do shit," said Donald in a perfectly ordinary english accent.

The next day, Mickey put a new ad in the paper. This time it read - "ROOM MATE WANTED - MUST BE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE - ALSO MUST BE WILLING TO DO THE DISHES".


End file.
